Friday, April 20, 2018

I will trust in You.

Hi all!

Well, this last few months have been a roller coaster, and I apologize for not keeping you all in the loop.

I was shocked to realize that I had not even updated about our little boy's birth or anything! Ah!

Well, here is part of the story:

We were supposed to head up to Billings for our little boy's birth on December 11th, since that is when his birth mom was supposed to be induced. However, at about 4:30am on Wednesday, December 6th, I received a call from our social worker. I was immediately awake when I heard my phone since I have a special ringtone for our social worker (don't laugh...it's the way I am! lol). She informed us that our little boy had been born earlier that morning and that we needed to come to Billings immediately.

I'm fairly confident that Joe and I broke records with how quickly we loaded up our vehicle, roused Lydia from sleep and got her ready, and took off. It was cold and snowing, and I don't know that I have driven through worse conditions. The first hour of our trip, we nearly went off of the road twice due to the snow covered roads and high wind. Oh how I prayed that Jesus would protect us! Our drive normally takes us 3 hours to get to Billings, but the first leg that should have only taken an hour took nearly two. Not quite two hours into our drive, I got a text from our social worker. She told us to come to Billings still, but not to come to the hospital quite yet, since the birth family needed some time.

This was the scariest thing in the world for us. We did not know what was going to happen, or if there had been a change of heart, or if something else had gone wrong with our birth mother or our baby. We fought off anxiety and fear and devastation, and we called family members to ask for extra prayer.  After stopping for gas and coffee (which I very much needed), our social worker called us to let us know that our birth mother wanted us at the hospital as soon as possible. Thankfully, when we got back onto the road, the road conditions improved so much that we were able to travel at regular speeds without worrying about sliding off of the road!

Once we got to Billings, a family member picked up Lydia, and we went up and met with our social worker. When we got to go into the room to meet our beautiful baby boy, our social worker informed us that no one besides medical staff had held him, because his birth mother wanted me, his new mother, to be the first person to hold him. I cannot express to you how truly wonderful and precious this gift from her to me was. I would have never asked her or expected her to let me hold him first, but because she loves him and us so much, she made that sacrifice.

I wish I could fully explain how it felt to see and hold my son. I had wondered if I would feel differently from when I saw and held my daughter for the first time. It felt the exact same, though maybe even a bit sweeter with the background of having waited for this precious boy for so long. He was perfect and tiny. Both Joe and I marveled at the way that God had perfectly formed his little body. His birth mother was beaming, and I cannot imagine a sweeter moment.

The hospital was amazing, and we were allowed to use a room that they specifically have set aside for adoptive parents. We got to be with our son, Ethan, the entire time he was in the hospital.

Two days later, he was discharged, and a day after that we met our sweet birth mother for the entrustment ceremony. It was especially meaningful that we got to have my family and the birth family all go out to eat after the entrustment ceremony. Our birth mother is the strongest, most courageous person I know. She made such an enormous sacrifice out of love, and we are so privileged to have her as a part of our lives.

Since then, Ethan has grown tremendously. He eats like a champ and started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. Lydia is completely in love with her baby brother. She proudly took a picture of him to school the following week to show to all of her classmates and anyone at the school who would listen to her. It was and has been so fulfilling to watch her finally become a sister after wanting to be one for such a long time.

Between our beloved church family, our families, and our dear friends, we have been so blessed with gifts and help throughout this entire process. It has truly felt like God has been wrapping his arms around us and telling us how much He loves us.

Here are some answers to some questions that we have been asked fairly frequently:

Q: How long have you been going through this process? 
A: We began the process of adoption through Catholic Social Services of Montana in January 2014, though we were officially put into the pool of prospective adoptive families in June 2014.

Q: What did you mean by "entrustment ceremony"? 
A: Catholic Social Services has a very special and lovely ceremony in which birth parent(s) and adoptive parents meet and they express their feelings towards each other, which the birth parent(s) sign their final relinquishments, and when the birth parent(s) physically entrust the baby to the adoptive parents. It has been one of the most special and meaningful things in which we have taken part in.

Q: Is he fully yours now, or do you have to do anything else?
A: He is legally in the legal custody of Catholic Social Services until we can finalize his adoption. Per law in the state of Montana, he must be in our care as a foster-to-adopt child for at least six months before an adoption can be finalized. After six months, our lawyer will apply for his finalization, and we will be given a date by the court to come in to finalize his adoption.

Q: Is your adoption open or closed? 
Our adoption is an open adoption. What this means is that we have contact with (in our case) the birth mother and some of the extended birth family. We meet with the birth family on occasion, and we send pictures and updates on our son's wellbeing. This is not co-parenting in which the birth family has a say in how our son is raised or any other decisions for him. We think of it as adding his entire birth family to ours, not just him. We made the decision to be involved in an open adoption for many reasons, but the main reason was because we know that this decision was made out of love, on both sides. It is only right that the love shared between all of us be allowed to continue to grow. We have nothing but respect and love towards the birth family! That being said, there are still boundaries in our relationship with the birth family, but those are simply to help us and them be able to move forward in our lives.

Q: What would you say to other people who are thinking of adopting? 
A: I would say that if you feel led to adopt, then go for it! Just remember that it is not a fast or easy process. Things do not typically work out the way that you think that they will. Be flexible, and let God lead you to the

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