Hello Everyone (or I guess I should say, everyone who reads my posts),
I know I haven't posted in a long time, and I am sorry about that. Joe and I are so appreciative of all the love and prayers for us these past few months especially.
So, what is going on with us right now? Well, as most of you know or have read in my previous post, we lost our little girl before the adoption was finalized. I can't begin to express the depth of that loss. I will be honest. We had several people tell us things like, "Well, she wasn't yours anyhow," and, "It's not like you really lost a child that was yours." I have to completely disagree with those comments, though I know they were well-meant. We had fully accepted her into our family. We had her clothes sorted. Her room was prepared. Her absence in our family is noticed every day. Though we never experienced a miscarriage or still-birth, I would imagine that it would feel the exact same way. When we walked back through our door after everything fell apart, I could barely keep it together when I saw her bed, her clothes...everything that we had so joyfully prepared was just a painful reminder that she was not with us.
That being said, things are much better now, though we have good days and bad days. She's never far from our hearts, and we pray for her daily. The encouraging thing is that God had used our brokenness and pain to draw us closer to Him, and we have learned more from this experience than I could have imagined.
I'm not going to say it was easy, and I'm not going to say that this wound will be something that we have for the rest of our lives. It simply wouldn't be true, but we chose to trust God's direction for our lives. He has our dear child in His hands, and we trust that He is caring for her and that His plan for her is the best plan.
That being said, Joe and I are still in the adoptive pool. Last month, I received word from our social worker that the time table had changed for our foster care licensing, and instead of the two months that I thought I had, Joe and I only had less than a week to complete our re-licensing information (about 8 hours worth of work). Those were some of the bad days. I had hoped and prayed that I would not have to do that paperwork again. The good thing is that we did get the paperwork completed, and we should get our re-licensing information from the state soon.
I feel like infertility, adoption loss, and miscarriages are so often taboo to talk about, but I am hoping that my openness will help that, at least a little bit. Joe and I have gone through two of those issues. It's a hard thing, and the more we have been open about it, the more people we meet who have gone through similar things. If you are going through these things, don't feel like you are alone! We are here, and if you need to talk or just vent, please let us pray for you and with you. I've learned that it's okay to not be okay. Sometimes, being vulnerable with one another and admitting we don't have all the answers is the best help we can give.
One of the things that I have really come to know and believe is that, even if our loss means that we can help one other person or family grieve through their own losses, it will be worth it. So many times, the losses and hardships that we face are ways in which, if we choose to let them, can be our most effective tools to help others. You know that saying about taking a walk in a man's shoes before judging him? I think that's a true thing, but it's even more profound if you've already worn those same shoes before in your own life. Our prayer is that, if nothing else, we can use this part of our journey to help others at some point down the road.
As many of you know, I started working not long after the adoption fell through. It has been a very good thing for our family, even though it was a difficult transition in the beginning. I'm working at our local community college, and I love being able to interact with students there and have made many new friends with both the students and my coworkers. Joe's work was slow this spring, but is picking up rapidly, and we are so thankful for God's provision for us.
Please know that each and everyone of you who have texted, messaged, and prayer for us has made a difference in our lives. We know that we are not alone, and we are hopeful as we look forward to what God has for us. Of course, we hope that our baby will come along soon, but until then, we will wait patiently.
Again, thank you for your continued support. We do have a fair amount left to raise for when we have a child placed with us, so if you could also be praying for God's provision for us financially, we'd certainly appreciate it!
For now, we are hopeful and learning to trust God more than ever. Our pastor went through a series recently that really opened my eyes. Sometimes, as a Christian, I think, "If we can just get past this trial, then it will be smooth sailing." I've had my eyes opened through these past experiences that there is always another trial coming our way, but it is through the trials that we have gone through before that have helped prepare us for the struggles ahead. My goal is to come to a place where I am thankful for everything we have gone through, both as a family and personally. I'll admit that I'm not fully there yet, but I have my eyes on the prize.
Thank you all, and we pray that God continues to bless each and every one of you as you walk through your own trials in your journey of life!
Love,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
