Hi everyone!
I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog, but I do hope (for those of you who obviously do) that it is helpful for you all to know what is going on with us!
Well, we have officially reached the one year mark since the official start of our adoption process! Of course, we had been thinking and praying about adopting for a long time, but last year at this time, we had made the final decision to adopt. What a year it has been! We are also at the six-month mark from the time that we were officially accepted and put into the adoption pool.
The reason I am writing this particular entry is to give you all the official update. At this point, nothing has really changed for us. Pregnancy rates have been very low in the state of Montana, and there haven't been many moms using CSSM since we have been accepted. Our social worker told me the other day that it is a normal cycle to have months without many birthparents and then have a huge influx of new birthparents all at the same time. We still could get a phone call tomorrow telling us that we have a baby, but most likely, it will still be at least a few months (if not longer) until we are selected. This part of the process has been hard, though the Lord has helped keep us busy so that the time doesn't seem so long! I've often found myself singing a song that we sing to Lydia when she is having problems being patient. Many of you probably know it, but it goes like this:
"Have patience. Have patience. Don't be in such a hurry. When you are impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember, that God is patient too. And think of all the times that others have to wait on you!"
It's extremely ironic to me that I use that song for Lydia when I really need it more than she does some days. :) One of the songs that I have considered to be a "life song" for me is also the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller from the movie "Fireproof". That song has always seemed appropriate for me throughout the last few years, and it continues to be a song that helps me refocus on God's mercy and grace when I'm having a hard time with being patient. This time of year really makes me long to have a new baby, but I have been so encouraged by friends and family this holiday season. I know that God has our child already picked out for us, and I just have to learn to wait and be thankful for His provision.
In the meantime, Joe and I have kept busy (which also helps me to not focus on waiting). Joe has been doing wonderfully at his job (he just got a promotion!), and I have been busy homeschooling Lydia, keeping up with housework, and watching a few kids part-time during the week. Joe was in a car accident in the beginning of December (he wasn't hurt, thank the Lord!), and I due to the accident, I have been kept occupied sorting everything out with insurance agencies! I would like to personal thank everyone who have continue to ask about our adoption plans. It is hard to talk about sometimes, but it is so encouraging to know that so many of you have kept us in your thoughts and prayers! Thank you all from the bottom of our hearts! We will keep everyone updated, especially if something happens!
God has been so faithful to us, and we cannot express our gratitude enough to him! We love you all, and we are so thankful for all of our blessings!
With much love and prayers for a wonderful new year,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Questions answered! :)
Hello all you happy people!
Well, we have had several questions that seem to keep coming up from most of the people we talk to, so I thought I would write some of the answers down! Some of these questions I have briefly answered in my first blog post, but here are more thorough answers.
Q: Are you hoping for a baby or an older child?
A: CSSM mostly deals with infant adoption. They occasionally have a toddler come through the program, but that is a rare occurence. We will most likely get a baby, and we may even get to bring the baby straight home from the hospital, depending on the situation.
Q: Are you adopting domestically or internationally?
A: Catholic Social Services do provide local, domestic, and international adoptions, but we are only working with CSSM (which is a specific Montana branch of Catholic Social Services) in local adoptions from the state of Montana. We decided that local adoption is the best choice for our family.
Q: Why did you choose CSSM when there are lots of other adoption agencies out there? And why wouldn't you just go through the state with foster care?
A: We looked into several different adoption agencies, and for those who have asked, we have done our homework. CSSM is one of the top adoption agencies in the state and has been highly recommended to us from many various sources including friends and a local pro-life pregnancy center. We also looked into going through the state with foster care. Ultimately, we did not feel that the foster care system was the right choice for our family. I (Shiloh) talked with a family member who had used the Montana state foster care system, and she gave me her advice. When I called the local foster care office, the woman there was very discouraging, and it became clear that God was closing that option to us. I had felt very clearly that God was calling us to use CSSM, and the more that Joe and I looked into it, the more we both felt that it was the right decision for our family.
Q: Since this is an "open adoption" aren't you worried about the birth mother taking the child back?
A: This question has been asked several times as well. CSSM adoptions are all voluntary parental relinquiments, which means that the birth parents who are using this program are entrusting their children to the adoptive parents of their own free will. These birth parents have made an extremely hard and unselfish decision by putting their child's well-being before their own self-interests. So, the short answer is, no. We are not afraid of that happening because it was the parents' decision initially to entrust us with their child. They are doing what they know to be best for the child, and the openness of the adoption is to promote healing and well-being for both the child and the birth parents. We believe that open adoption truly is in the best interest of our child, and that is why we chose it.
Q: Are you getting a girl or a boy/do you want a girl or a boy?
A: Here is the answer I've been giving to this question. :) If we were having a baby naturally, we wouldn't have a choice, and in this process, we don't either. I don't think we would want to choose to be honest. We want God to bring us the child that is meant for our family, regardless of which gender it is. Gender isn't something you can pick or chooose in this agency, so we have no idea either way. We will be happy to just have a new child to add to our family. Of course, it would be wonderful to have a son, but we sure love little girls too! Lydia has requested a sister, but I think she will end up being just as happy with a little brother. :)
Q: Did you look into any medical treatments to have more children naturally?
A: No, we did not. The answer from the doctors was pretty clear, and though there was still a possibility that we *might* be able to get pregnant, the medical costs are the same if not more than adoption. We both felt that it would be better to give a child who was already conceived a home than to spend the same amount of money and time to try to get pregnant. It was not an easy decision, but it was one that both Joe and I felt was the best for us.
Q: How long will you have to wait for a placement?
A: The best answer? We have no idea! :) There is not set time on when we will get a child. Our social worker told us it could be a few months to four years. It all depends on how many birth parents decide to make an adoption plan, and whether or not they choose our family. Of course, we would love to be able to tell you that we are guaranteed to have a child in six months or less, but that just isn't how things work. We know that good things in life do not come easily, and we are prepared to wait as long as we need to.
In closing, if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! We really do love talking about this whole process, and it is nice to talk to other people about how everything is going, especially since it is hard to not being impatient at times! Please continue to pray for us as we continue to wait on God's timing. We try very hard to stay positive and focus on the many good things that God is doing in our lives, but it can be very discouraging sometimes when it feels like we are not moving forward. We have been extremely blessed with wonderful friends and family, and we know that God truly is working out all of this for His glory!
That is all for tonight! Hopefully most of your questions have been answered! If not, just ask and I'll answer them as best I can!
Thank you again for all of your support!
Love and blessings,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
Well, we have had several questions that seem to keep coming up from most of the people we talk to, so I thought I would write some of the answers down! Some of these questions I have briefly answered in my first blog post, but here are more thorough answers.
Q: Are you hoping for a baby or an older child?
A: CSSM mostly deals with infant adoption. They occasionally have a toddler come through the program, but that is a rare occurence. We will most likely get a baby, and we may even get to bring the baby straight home from the hospital, depending on the situation.
Q: Are you adopting domestically or internationally?
A: Catholic Social Services do provide local, domestic, and international adoptions, but we are only working with CSSM (which is a specific Montana branch of Catholic Social Services) in local adoptions from the state of Montana. We decided that local adoption is the best choice for our family.
Q: Why did you choose CSSM when there are lots of other adoption agencies out there? And why wouldn't you just go through the state with foster care?
A: We looked into several different adoption agencies, and for those who have asked, we have done our homework. CSSM is one of the top adoption agencies in the state and has been highly recommended to us from many various sources including friends and a local pro-life pregnancy center. We also looked into going through the state with foster care. Ultimately, we did not feel that the foster care system was the right choice for our family. I (Shiloh) talked with a family member who had used the Montana state foster care system, and she gave me her advice. When I called the local foster care office, the woman there was very discouraging, and it became clear that God was closing that option to us. I had felt very clearly that God was calling us to use CSSM, and the more that Joe and I looked into it, the more we both felt that it was the right decision for our family.
Q: Since this is an "open adoption" aren't you worried about the birth mother taking the child back?
A: This question has been asked several times as well. CSSM adoptions are all voluntary parental relinquiments, which means that the birth parents who are using this program are entrusting their children to the adoptive parents of their own free will. These birth parents have made an extremely hard and unselfish decision by putting their child's well-being before their own self-interests. So, the short answer is, no. We are not afraid of that happening because it was the parents' decision initially to entrust us with their child. They are doing what they know to be best for the child, and the openness of the adoption is to promote healing and well-being for both the child and the birth parents. We believe that open adoption truly is in the best interest of our child, and that is why we chose it.
Q: Are you getting a girl or a boy/do you want a girl or a boy?
A: Here is the answer I've been giving to this question. :) If we were having a baby naturally, we wouldn't have a choice, and in this process, we don't either. I don't think we would want to choose to be honest. We want God to bring us the child that is meant for our family, regardless of which gender it is. Gender isn't something you can pick or chooose in this agency, so we have no idea either way. We will be happy to just have a new child to add to our family. Of course, it would be wonderful to have a son, but we sure love little girls too! Lydia has requested a sister, but I think she will end up being just as happy with a little brother. :)
Q: Did you look into any medical treatments to have more children naturally?
A: No, we did not. The answer from the doctors was pretty clear, and though there was still a possibility that we *might* be able to get pregnant, the medical costs are the same if not more than adoption. We both felt that it would be better to give a child who was already conceived a home than to spend the same amount of money and time to try to get pregnant. It was not an easy decision, but it was one that both Joe and I felt was the best for us.
Q: How long will you have to wait for a placement?
A: The best answer? We have no idea! :) There is not set time on when we will get a child. Our social worker told us it could be a few months to four years. It all depends on how many birth parents decide to make an adoption plan, and whether or not they choose our family. Of course, we would love to be able to tell you that we are guaranteed to have a child in six months or less, but that just isn't how things work. We know that good things in life do not come easily, and we are prepared to wait as long as we need to.
In closing, if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! We really do love talking about this whole process, and it is nice to talk to other people about how everything is going, especially since it is hard to not being impatient at times! Please continue to pray for us as we continue to wait on God's timing. We try very hard to stay positive and focus on the many good things that God is doing in our lives, but it can be very discouraging sometimes when it feels like we are not moving forward. We have been extremely blessed with wonderful friends and family, and we know that God truly is working out all of this for His glory!
That is all for tonight! Hopefully most of your questions have been answered! If not, just ask and I'll answer them as best I can!
Thank you again for all of your support!
Love and blessings,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
IT'S OFFICIAL!!!
Hi all!
We have some BIG NEWS! We had been waiting on our fingerprint records to come back from the government (apparently it had been sitting on someone's desk for quite awhile instead of being mailed back to the adoption agency like it was supposed to have been), and we finally got those results in last week so our social worker was able to send in our full portfolio for final approval by the director of CSSM. In the mail today, I received an invoice to pay for the fingerprinting and a few other backround check things, so I decided to call and make sure that we wouldn't be missing any other bills in the mail while we are on vacation this next month. When I called in, they told me that Joe and I are officially accepted into the adoption program!! This means we are now in the adoption pool, and our portfolios will be shown to prospective birth parents! We'll also be put on the CSSMT website as potential adoptive parents!
We knew that we had all of our paperwork in, but it is such a great feeling knowing that all of our part of the work is done! Woot! Now, we have to sit back and wait on God's timing! Please be praying for us since the waiting will not be easy! Also, we still have the second half of our placement fee to pay once we receive a placement (that fee is $5,600 and we have $1,000 saved for that so far). I will be trying to put together a few more garage sales/fundraisers for when we get back! We're hoping to raise at least $1,400 more to bring down our out-of-pocket expenses.
God has been SO good to us and so faithful to us throughout this whole process! We are so incredibly thankful to you, our friends and family, for supporting us and praying for us!
Much love and blessings from the Hubbards!
We have some BIG NEWS! We had been waiting on our fingerprint records to come back from the government (apparently it had been sitting on someone's desk for quite awhile instead of being mailed back to the adoption agency like it was supposed to have been), and we finally got those results in last week so our social worker was able to send in our full portfolio for final approval by the director of CSSM. In the mail today, I received an invoice to pay for the fingerprinting and a few other backround check things, so I decided to call and make sure that we wouldn't be missing any other bills in the mail while we are on vacation this next month. When I called in, they told me that Joe and I are officially accepted into the adoption program!! This means we are now in the adoption pool, and our portfolios will be shown to prospective birth parents! We'll also be put on the CSSMT website as potential adoptive parents!
We knew that we had all of our paperwork in, but it is such a great feeling knowing that all of our part of the work is done! Woot! Now, we have to sit back and wait on God's timing! Please be praying for us since the waiting will not be easy! Also, we still have the second half of our placement fee to pay once we receive a placement (that fee is $5,600 and we have $1,000 saved for that so far). I will be trying to put together a few more garage sales/fundraisers for when we get back! We're hoping to raise at least $1,400 more to bring down our out-of-pocket expenses.
God has been SO good to us and so faithful to us throughout this whole process! We are so incredibly thankful to you, our friends and family, for supporting us and praying for us!
Much love and blessings from the Hubbards!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Garage Sale!
Hi everyone!
Well, I figured it was time for another update since we had our big garage sale on Saturday! I am wishing that I had taken a picture of all the things we had for sale!! Thanks to the generosity of several of our friends (though there were several things that were from our home as well), we had a bunch of stuff to sell! Our goal had always been to raise between $300-$400 in the garage sale, and our grand total was $449! What a huge blessing! That will definitely go a long way since our adoption will cost around $14,000 with all of the different fees and travel expenses. We cannot begin to express the gratitude that we have towards all the people who donated, came to the sale and those who prayed for us! It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, and we had a steady stream of customers all day!
We also have scheduled our home study for this Friday! Over the last few months, we have been installing smoke detectors, mounting a fire extinguisher, and making sure that our home will pass all of the safety standards. It has definitely been a fair amount of work! Joe's work has been a little bit unpredictable as far as schedule, so we are really praying that he will get confirmation that he will have the day off either today or tomorrow. It is all in God's hands! I have also been filling out more paperwork (yay! not...) since our social worker has let us start on the next steps of the process so we can progress more quickly. I have most of it completed, though there are a few things that I cannot submit until after the home study is completed. This week will be full of cleaning and making sure that everything is ready for Friday! We are so excited!
All in all, it has been a VERY busy few weeks! We have been very blessed! I'll try to update the blog after our home study on Friday, so keep a look out! :)
Well, I figured it was time for another update since we had our big garage sale on Saturday! I am wishing that I had taken a picture of all the things we had for sale!! Thanks to the generosity of several of our friends (though there were several things that were from our home as well), we had a bunch of stuff to sell! Our goal had always been to raise between $300-$400 in the garage sale, and our grand total was $449! What a huge blessing! That will definitely go a long way since our adoption will cost around $14,000 with all of the different fees and travel expenses. We cannot begin to express the gratitude that we have towards all the people who donated, came to the sale and those who prayed for us! It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, and we had a steady stream of customers all day!
We also have scheduled our home study for this Friday! Over the last few months, we have been installing smoke detectors, mounting a fire extinguisher, and making sure that our home will pass all of the safety standards. It has definitely been a fair amount of work! Joe's work has been a little bit unpredictable as far as schedule, so we are really praying that he will get confirmation that he will have the day off either today or tomorrow. It is all in God's hands! I have also been filling out more paperwork (yay! not...) since our social worker has let us start on the next steps of the process so we can progress more quickly. I have most of it completed, though there are a few things that I cannot submit until after the home study is completed. This week will be full of cleaning and making sure that everything is ready for Friday! We are so excited!
All in all, it has been a VERY busy few weeks! We have been very blessed! I'll try to update the blog after our home study on Friday, so keep a look out! :)
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Where are we in the process?
Hi all!
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update! So, last time I explained how the process works (in a very short overview), and here is where we are now.
What have we completed?
First of all, we completed the pre-application process where we filled out several forms, introducing ourselves. Then, we watched several training videos and recorded our responses to questions about those videos. After that, we went into our doctor and got physicals to make sure we are healthy, and after sending all of that information into CSSMT, we were able to pay the workshop fee to attend the CSSMT workshop. We attended that workshop on April 14th. Since then, we have been filling out tons of forms and uploading documents (tax returns, our marriage certificate, birth certificates, etc.). Joe and I also had to be fingerprinted to make sure that we do not have any criminal records with the FBI. On Saturday, we went up to Billings to meet with a psychiatrist to do some psychological testing to make sure that we were healthy emotionally. We just received the results from that testing (everything looked great, which was a relief!), and our next step is paying the thousand dollar homestudy fee.
What expenses have we had so far?
Well, we have had to pay a few fees for applying, our doctors visits, and the workshop. Along with the fees, we are required to install several safety features in our home. These include locking our guns in a secure place, locking our ammunition in a separate area, purchasing and mounting a fire extinguisher in our home, putting in smoke detectors in every bedroom, mounting carbon monoxide detectors/smoke detectors in our hallways upstairs and downstairs, and making sure that we have everything in general picked up, which has been no small task since we are currently working on some remodeling downstairs!
What is next?
Once all of the paperwork is received by CSSMT, they will officially assign our social worker to us. She then will go through all of our paperwork (I do not envy that job!), and then she will schedule an appointment with us to do the home-study inspection. When I asked her, she figured that if all of the paperwork was received in the next two or so weeks, we should have our home-study scheduled for the end of May or beginning of June, depending on what her schedule is like. After we go through the home-study, we then get to do more paperwork (oh, joy!) to fulfill the requirements to be foster parents (which we will technically by until we have had our child living with us for 6 months, after that we will file for the adoption finalization). Once all of that paperwork is submitted, with the assumption that it will all go through easily, we will then be approved and put on the adoption list. Once that is done, we will begin paying the adoption fees, and will be waiting for placement.
There you have it! Things are moving along fairly quickly, and we are hoping to get the approval done by mid-June. In case you haven't seen it on my Facebook, we are having an adoption garage sale in Billings on May 17th! We are hoping to raise around $400 in the garage sale, so if any of you have anything that you would like to donate, please let me know! Thank you all for your generosity, love and support!
Blessings to you and yours,
Joe, Shiloh and Lydia
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update! So, last time I explained how the process works (in a very short overview), and here is where we are now.
What have we completed?
First of all, we completed the pre-application process where we filled out several forms, introducing ourselves. Then, we watched several training videos and recorded our responses to questions about those videos. After that, we went into our doctor and got physicals to make sure we are healthy, and after sending all of that information into CSSMT, we were able to pay the workshop fee to attend the CSSMT workshop. We attended that workshop on April 14th. Since then, we have been filling out tons of forms and uploading documents (tax returns, our marriage certificate, birth certificates, etc.). Joe and I also had to be fingerprinted to make sure that we do not have any criminal records with the FBI. On Saturday, we went up to Billings to meet with a psychiatrist to do some psychological testing to make sure that we were healthy emotionally. We just received the results from that testing (everything looked great, which was a relief!), and our next step is paying the thousand dollar homestudy fee.
What expenses have we had so far?
Well, we have had to pay a few fees for applying, our doctors visits, and the workshop. Along with the fees, we are required to install several safety features in our home. These include locking our guns in a secure place, locking our ammunition in a separate area, purchasing and mounting a fire extinguisher in our home, putting in smoke detectors in every bedroom, mounting carbon monoxide detectors/smoke detectors in our hallways upstairs and downstairs, and making sure that we have everything in general picked up, which has been no small task since we are currently working on some remodeling downstairs!
What is next?
Once all of the paperwork is received by CSSMT, they will officially assign our social worker to us. She then will go through all of our paperwork (I do not envy that job!), and then she will schedule an appointment with us to do the home-study inspection. When I asked her, she figured that if all of the paperwork was received in the next two or so weeks, we should have our home-study scheduled for the end of May or beginning of June, depending on what her schedule is like. After we go through the home-study, we then get to do more paperwork (oh, joy!) to fulfill the requirements to be foster parents (which we will technically by until we have had our child living with us for 6 months, after that we will file for the adoption finalization). Once all of that paperwork is submitted, with the assumption that it will all go through easily, we will then be approved and put on the adoption list. Once that is done, we will begin paying the adoption fees, and will be waiting for placement.
There you have it! Things are moving along fairly quickly, and we are hoping to get the approval done by mid-June. In case you haven't seen it on my Facebook, we are having an adoption garage sale in Billings on May 17th! We are hoping to raise around $400 in the garage sale, so if any of you have anything that you would like to donate, please let me know! Thank you all for your generosity, love and support!
Blessings to you and yours,
Joe, Shiloh and Lydia
Friday, April 25, 2014
How the process works!
Here is our blog, just as I promised! I'm making this blog to update you, our friends and family, as we go forward on this amazing adventure called adoption!
So, how did we find our adoption agency? Well, we called a local women's crisis agency to see who they would recommend for adoption. They recommended Catholic Social Services of Montana (CSSMT). I called over to them, and for the first time talked to our future social worker, Becky. She was so encouraging and full of hope that I immediately felt that we should look more into this agency. Joe and I also looked into several other agencies, including the state department, but both felt that CSSMT was the right choice for us, especially after learning that other people we knew had friends and/or family who highly recommended CSSMT. So, after more prayer and thought, we decided to start applying through CSSMT.
The first steps of the process:
The first steps of the process were a preliminary application and various other small pieces of paperwork. We also had to meet with (we ended up doing a conference call) our social worker to better understand how CSSMT works. After doing that, we had to pay to attend adoption workshop in Helena that gave us a better understanding of the process, as well as encouragement as we met with other prospective adoptive couples and got to hear the testimony of an adult adoptee, a birth mother, and two adoptive families. After attending the workshop, we were then directed onto filling out yet more paperwork in the process of getting ready for our homestudy. The homestudy includes a social worker interviewing us at our home and checking that our home is up to date for the mandatory safety features. After that, we have to do more paperwork (oh joy!), and then we will write an introductory letter to prospective birth parents as well as make a picture book for the prospective birth parents to look over. Once we are fully qualified, then we will have our photo books shown to prospective birth mothers so that they can chose an adoptive family. Once chosen, we would wait for official placement (timing would depend on whether the child was born yet or not), and then we will have to be foster parents to that child for 6 months through CSSMT until we could make the adoption official.
What is open adoption?
CSSMT perfers open adoption vs closed adoption. Open adoption is not co-parenting, but instead gives open communication to both the birth and adoptive families, so that the birth parents are still able to know the child and the child is given an opportunity to know who their birth parents are and why they were entrusted to their adoptive parents. We have listened to both sides for both closed and open adoption, and we agree that open adoption is best for the child. We know it isn't the easiest way to adopt, but we strongly feel that we must do what is best for our child regardless of whether it is easy or not. After all, nothing that is worthwhile in life is easy, especially when you are a Christ follower! If any of you have any questions about open adoption, please contact either Joe or myself. We are both happy to talk more about it since it is so hard to sum up how open adoption works in one small blog post. :)
Why did we chose adoption?
After much prayer, we felt that adoption was the best way for us to continue forward in having more children, since medical intervention may have worked, but it wasn't what we felt was best for us. We would rather give a child a home who is already coming into the world than to spend time and money to try proceedures that might or might now work. It was not an easy decision for us, but it was one that we both had agreed was the best option for our family. Some other families choose to pursue medical intervention, and we know how difficult and hard that decision is and know that was the best decision for that particular family!
What do we need?
In one word: prayer. Prayer for both our patience and perseverance through this long process. Prayer that we continue to listen to God's directions and that we do not become discouraged. At this point, sometimes we feel like we are drowning in paperwork, so it is easy to become frustrated or believe that we aren't getting anywhere, which is untrue. Also, prayer for our future child and his/her birth parents is something we greatly need as well. We know that the reasons parents choose adoption vary greatly, and we look to birth parents with a huge amount of respect and amazement that they can be so selfless to make this incredibly hard decision. Financial support is another way we have a need, since this process is fairly expensive. We have a GoFund Me account on Facebook that is set up for anyone who feels led to give that way, and we are going to have a large garage sale in Billings May 17th, which we could use donations of things to sell. We would also love to see any of you at the garage sale, even if you just stop by to say hi!
I'll be posting more about where we are in this process soon, so stay tuned! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!
Love,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
So, how did we find our adoption agency? Well, we called a local women's crisis agency to see who they would recommend for adoption. They recommended Catholic Social Services of Montana (CSSMT). I called over to them, and for the first time talked to our future social worker, Becky. She was so encouraging and full of hope that I immediately felt that we should look more into this agency. Joe and I also looked into several other agencies, including the state department, but both felt that CSSMT was the right choice for us, especially after learning that other people we knew had friends and/or family who highly recommended CSSMT. So, after more prayer and thought, we decided to start applying through CSSMT.
The first steps of the process:
The first steps of the process were a preliminary application and various other small pieces of paperwork. We also had to meet with (we ended up doing a conference call) our social worker to better understand how CSSMT works. After doing that, we had to pay to attend adoption workshop in Helena that gave us a better understanding of the process, as well as encouragement as we met with other prospective adoptive couples and got to hear the testimony of an adult adoptee, a birth mother, and two adoptive families. After attending the workshop, we were then directed onto filling out yet more paperwork in the process of getting ready for our homestudy. The homestudy includes a social worker interviewing us at our home and checking that our home is up to date for the mandatory safety features. After that, we have to do more paperwork (oh joy!), and then we will write an introductory letter to prospective birth parents as well as make a picture book for the prospective birth parents to look over. Once we are fully qualified, then we will have our photo books shown to prospective birth mothers so that they can chose an adoptive family. Once chosen, we would wait for official placement (timing would depend on whether the child was born yet or not), and then we will have to be foster parents to that child for 6 months through CSSMT until we could make the adoption official.
What is open adoption?
CSSMT perfers open adoption vs closed adoption. Open adoption is not co-parenting, but instead gives open communication to both the birth and adoptive families, so that the birth parents are still able to know the child and the child is given an opportunity to know who their birth parents are and why they were entrusted to their adoptive parents. We have listened to both sides for both closed and open adoption, and we agree that open adoption is best for the child. We know it isn't the easiest way to adopt, but we strongly feel that we must do what is best for our child regardless of whether it is easy or not. After all, nothing that is worthwhile in life is easy, especially when you are a Christ follower! If any of you have any questions about open adoption, please contact either Joe or myself. We are both happy to talk more about it since it is so hard to sum up how open adoption works in one small blog post. :)
Why did we chose adoption?
After much prayer, we felt that adoption was the best way for us to continue forward in having more children, since medical intervention may have worked, but it wasn't what we felt was best for us. We would rather give a child a home who is already coming into the world than to spend time and money to try proceedures that might or might now work. It was not an easy decision for us, but it was one that we both had agreed was the best option for our family. Some other families choose to pursue medical intervention, and we know how difficult and hard that decision is and know that was the best decision for that particular family!
What do we need?
In one word: prayer. Prayer for both our patience and perseverance through this long process. Prayer that we continue to listen to God's directions and that we do not become discouraged. At this point, sometimes we feel like we are drowning in paperwork, so it is easy to become frustrated or believe that we aren't getting anywhere, which is untrue. Also, prayer for our future child and his/her birth parents is something we greatly need as well. We know that the reasons parents choose adoption vary greatly, and we look to birth parents with a huge amount of respect and amazement that they can be so selfless to make this incredibly hard decision. Financial support is another way we have a need, since this process is fairly expensive. We have a GoFund Me account on Facebook that is set up for anyone who feels led to give that way, and we are going to have a large garage sale in Billings May 17th, which we could use donations of things to sell. We would also love to see any of you at the garage sale, even if you just stop by to say hi!
I'll be posting more about where we are in this process soon, so stay tuned! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!
Love,
Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia
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