Thursday, August 14, 2014

Questions answered! :)

Hello all you happy people!

Well, we have had several questions that seem to keep coming up from most of the people we talk to, so I thought I would write some of the answers down! Some of these questions I have briefly answered in my first blog post, but here are more thorough answers.

Q:  Are you hoping for a baby or an older child?

A: CSSM mostly deals with infant adoption. They occasionally have a toddler come through the program, but that is a rare occurence. We will most likely get a baby, and we may even get to bring the baby straight home from the hospital, depending on the situation.

Q: Are you adopting domestically or internationally?

A: Catholic Social Services do provide local, domestic, and international adoptions, but we are only working with CSSM (which is a specific Montana branch of Catholic Social Services) in local adoptions from the state of Montana. We decided that local adoption is the best choice for our family.

Q: Why did you choose CSSM when there are lots of other adoption agencies out there? And why wouldn't you just go through the state with foster care?

A: We looked into several different adoption agencies, and for those who have asked, we have done our homework. CSSM is one of the top adoption agencies in the state and has been highly recommended to us from many various sources including friends and a local pro-life pregnancy center. We also looked into going through the state with foster care. Ultimately, we did not feel that the foster care system was the right choice for our family. I (Shiloh) talked with a family member who had used the Montana state foster care system, and she gave me her advice. When I called the local foster care office, the woman there was very discouraging, and it became clear that God was closing that option to us. I had felt very clearly that God was calling us to use CSSM, and the more that Joe and I looked into it, the more we both felt that it was the right decision for our family.

Q: Since this is an "open adoption" aren't you worried about the birth mother taking the child back?

A: This question has been asked several times as well. CSSM adoptions are all voluntary parental relinquiments, which means that the birth parents who are using this program are entrusting their children to the adoptive parents of their own free will. These birth parents have made an extremely hard and unselfish decision by putting their child's well-being before their own self-interests. So, the short answer is, no. We are not afraid of that happening because it was the parents' decision initially to entrust us with their child. They are doing what they know to be best for the child, and the openness of the adoption is to promote healing and well-being for both the child and the birth parents. We believe that open adoption truly is in the best interest of our child, and that is why we chose it.

Q: Are you getting a girl or a boy/do you want a girl or a boy?

A: Here is the answer I've been giving to this question. :) If we were having a baby naturally, we wouldn't have a choice, and in this process, we don't either. I don't think we would want to choose to be honest. We want God to bring us the child that is meant for our family, regardless of which gender it is. Gender isn't something you can pick or chooose in this agency, so we have no idea either way. We will be happy to just have a new child to add to our family. Of course, it would be wonderful to have a son, but we sure love little girls too! Lydia has requested a sister, but I think she will end up being just as happy with a little brother. :)

Q: Did you look into any medical treatments to have more children naturally?

A: No, we did not. The answer from the doctors was pretty clear, and though there was still a possibility that we *might* be able to get pregnant, the medical costs are the same if not more than adoption. We both felt that it would be better to give a child who was already conceived a home than to spend the same amount of money and time to try to get pregnant. It was not an easy decision, but it was one that both Joe and I felt was the best for us.

Q: How long will you have to wait for a placement?

A: The best answer? We have no idea! :) There is not set time on when we will get a child. Our social worker told us it could be a few months to four years. It all depends on how many birth parents decide to make an adoption plan, and whether or not they choose our family. Of course, we would love to be able to tell you that we are guaranteed to have a child in six months or less, but that just isn't how things work. We know that good things in life do not come easily, and we are prepared to wait as long as we need to.



In closing, if you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! We really do love talking about this whole process, and it is nice to talk to other people about how everything is going, especially since it is hard to not being impatient at times! Please continue to pray for us as we continue to wait on God's timing. We try very hard to stay positive and focus on the many good things that God is doing in our lives, but it can be very discouraging sometimes when it feels like we are not moving forward. We have been extremely blessed with wonderful friends and family, and we know that God truly is working out all of this for His glory!

That is all for tonight! Hopefully most of your questions have been answered! If not, just ask and I'll answer them as best I can!

Thank you again for all of your support!

Love and blessings,

Joe, Shiloh, and Lydia